2015 ZCF XI

[eugene]

The end of the year brings about my annual tradition of naming a ZCF XI. In true ZC fashion, there is little rhyme or reason to my selection methods.

1. eugene: Forced by the coaches to open, despite being the best middle order batsman since Craig Ervine. Retains the ODI captaincy.
2. aydee: Finally makes the cut after years in the wilderness. Has been given two games to perform as an opener before being dropped for another 5 years. Also the test captain.
3. foreignfield: Promoted to number 3 as his name suggests he is good at picking foreign fields and can thus play subcontinent spin well on tour.
4. CrimsonAvenger: Still waiting for maehara mangongo to return his camera from last year. A mainstay of the batting order.
5. Jemisi: Mr. forgettable in the middle order. You couldn't pick this guy out of a police lineup of one. Was even banned once but came back as no one noticed his return.
6. SpitfiresKent: The English import. Always looking for England's next great batsman in Zimbabwe.
7. jaybro: Don't really know what this guy does. Whatever it is, I am sure he is good at it. T20 captain.
8. Dr_Situ (ZimFanatic): A spinner who was banned for an illegal action, The good doctor has become a sluggish medium pacer and is thus the main strike bowler.
9. Train Driver: Specialist tailender, who is also the media manager.
10. Googly: Against all of his predictions, the ZCF XI is still functioning. Doubles as the teams business manager.
11. Conant: A favourite of the coaches. Does not bowl, but instead features as a batsman in the most empowered position, no. 11. Co-owns a farm with Googly.

Coach: This year marked the demise of the tyrant maehara mangongo as coach. In his place ZCF has appointed three, yes three coaches. Please welcome hhm, ZCF_Outkast, and bavuma_rabada as the new coaches of the ZCF XI. You will only ever see one of them at a time, but they all seem to be working from the same playbook and are remarkably in-sync with each other. This trio have their own set of stats which they use to select players, with categories such as "how much does [player x] look like Propser Utseya?", "is [player x] going to perform better than Prosper Utseya?", and finally, "is [player x] Prosper Utseya?"

Physio: A former player, jimmylesaint has moved over to being fulltime physio, which entitles him to a salary of $25 per month and unlimited KFC vouchers, the sort of riches ZCF players can only dream of.

Strategist: anusha_gamage - "Zim should alway first bat at Queens".

Changes from 2014:

brmtaylor.com - Defected to boozers league cricket in England.
ZIMDOGGY - serving a ban for steroid use, no wonder he was the only guy in the team who could hit sixes.
zimfan1 - Quotas do exist, zimfan1 missed the cut.
sloandog - With no batting ability and robbed of his pace and illegal action, sloandog is now living in a public park spending his days drinking beer.

[eugene]

2014 ZCF XI: http://zimcricketforums.com/viewtopic.p ... +xi+eugene
2013 ZCF XI: http://zimcricketforums.com/viewtopic.p ... ZCF+annual
2012 ZCF XI: http://zimcricketforums.com/viewtopic.p ... 36&p=46995
2011 ZCF Awards: http://zimcricketforums.com/viewtopic.p ... 011#p37288

[jimmylesaint]

Oh my best no one get hurt!
The surprising thing about this is i didn't even know i was selected last year

[Jemisi]

Eugene the XI is getting harsher and harsher! I prefer the terms solid middle order accumulator.

Also I should have been picked for fending off bouncers in the nets from the angry coaching trio.

[totoro]

I'll try my best to push for a spot in the XI next year.

I need to impersonate someone who bowls quicker! Maybe Aliseni or this new fellow Tawanda Bidi....

[CrimsonAvenger]

Changes from 2014:

brmtaylor.com - Defected to boozers league cricket in England.
ZIMDOGGY - serving a ban for steroid use, no wonder he was the only guy in the team who could hit sixes.
zimfan1 - Quotas do exist, zimfan1 missed the cut.
sloandog - With no batting ability and robbed of his pace and illegal action, sloandog is now living in a public park spending his days drinking beer.

This is the best part!

[CrimsonAvenger]

It has been learnt that the outgoing national coach maehara mangongo has lashed out at the ZCF setup at a private gathering, and has highlighted numerous irregularities in team selection over the last year, leading to under-performance of the team under his regime. He also questioned the logic behind the appointment of 3 coaches. He alleged that all the 3 new coaches are the same person and that he had insider info to back that up. According to maehara mangongo, they were put in place by the ZCF MD Php BBvute and that it was part of his grand plan towards misappropriation of ZCF funds. Php BBvute, he says, is also a shareholder in GoDiddy, and through the 3 new coaches, he has a grand idea of diverting ZCF funds to GoDiddy. Neither maehara mangongo nor Php BBvute was available for comment.

Fans have, however, largely expressed their disappointment over the year end ZCF XI, stating that they were looking forward to a more explosive XI this year, given the T20 World Cup coming up. As usual, the customary whining about brmtaylor.com admin moving on to greeener pastures remained among majority of the fans, and they kept coming up with XIs that represent what could have been. Those XIs included zimdan, Utseyalitharan, Rayzer and liamb among others. The loss of talent over the years has been alarming.

One insider team source who does not want to be named but is understood to be the middle order batting mainstay of ZCF, had this as his own personal XI with the T20 World Cup in mind, complete with explosive opening partnership, top notch hitters in the middle order and tearaway quicks and mystery spinners from among the available talent. He, however, warned that the infighting within the proposed team could rip the team apart:

Playing XI:

bavuma_rabada (VC)
anusha gamage
eugene
ZIMDOGGY (C)
Train Driver
Conant
CrimsonAvenger (wk)
jaybro
Googly
gargamel
jimmylesaint

reserves in the XV:

foreignfield
totoro
sloandog
zimfan1

Head coach: bayhaus
Batting coach: Jemisi
Bowling coach: Flakeman
Physio: Dr.Situ_(Zimfanatic)

grant, Ming and aydee were the unlucky ones to miss out in the statesman cricketer's squad.

[ZIMDOGGY]

i am not too fussed by my banning as I know an internal ZC ban will be overturned by February because I have the right admin support.


My prediction ruin in twelve months will be a rebel walkout from the team, leading to the recall of jamthala, flash_g, kingviv, etc

[foreignfield]

I'm very humbled to be recalled in the crucial position of no. 3. I've been practising hard against the dubious spin bowling of our three new coaches over the years, and their essays are sitting in big leather-bound volumes on my book-shelf. Prepare for some excess baggage charge next time we tour. Their main advice is to play every slow bowler like Prosper Utseya, though.

[eugene]

Eugene the XI is getting harsher and harsher! I prefer the terms solid middle order accumulator.

Also I should have been picked for fending off bouncers in the nets from the angry coaching trio.

I think being forgettable in this lineup is a good thing.