2015 ZCF XI
Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:21 pm
The end of the year brings about my annual tradition of naming a ZCF XI. In true ZC fashion, there is little rhyme or reason to my selection methods.
1. eugene: Forced by the coaches to open, despite being the best middle order batsman since Craig Ervine. Retains the ODI captaincy.
2. aydee: Finally makes the cut after years in the wilderness. Has been given two games to perform as an opener before being dropped for another 5 years. Also the test captain.
3. foreignfield: Promoted to number 3 as his name suggests he is good at picking foreign fields and can thus play subcontinent spin well on tour.
4. CrimsonAvenger: Still waiting for maehara mangongo to return his camera from last year. A mainstay of the batting order.
5. Jemisi: Mr. forgettable in the middle order. You couldn't pick this guy out of a police lineup of one. Was even banned once but came back as no one noticed his return.
6. SpitfiresKent: The English import. Always looking for England's next great batsman in Zimbabwe.
7. jaybro: Don't really know what this guy does. Whatever it is, I am sure he is good at it. T20 captain.
8. Dr_Situ (ZimFanatic): A spinner who was banned for an illegal action, The good doctor has become a sluggish medium pacer and is thus the main strike bowler.
9. Train Driver: Specialist tailender, who is also the media manager.
10. Googly: Against all of his predictions, the ZCF XI is still functioning. Doubles as the teams business manager.
11. Conant: A favourite of the coaches. Does not bowl, but instead features as a batsman in the most empowered position, no. 11. Co-owns a farm with Googly.
Coach: This year marked the demise of the tyrant maehara mangongo as coach. In his place ZCF has appointed three, yes three coaches. Please welcome hhm, ZCF_Outkast, and bavuma_rabada as the new coaches of the ZCF XI. You will only ever see one of them at a time, but they all seem to be working from the same playbook and are remarkably in-sync with each other. This trio have their own set of stats which they use to select players, with categories such as "how much does [player x] look like Propser Utseya?", "is [player x] going to perform better than Prosper Utseya?", and finally, "is [player x] Prosper Utseya?"
Physio: A former player, jimmylesaint has moved over to being fulltime physio, which entitles him to a salary of $25 per month and unlimited KFC vouchers, the sort of riches ZCF players can only dream of.
Strategist: anusha_gamage - "Zim should alway first bat at Queens".
Changes from 2014:
brmtaylor.com - Defected to boozers league cricket in England.
ZIMDOGGY - serving a ban for steroid use, no wonder he was the only guy in the team who could hit sixes.
zimfan1 - Quotas do exist, zimfan1 missed the cut.
sloandog - With no batting ability and robbed of his pace and illegal action, sloandog is now living in a public park spending his days drinking beer.
1. eugene: Forced by the coaches to open, despite being the best middle order batsman since Craig Ervine. Retains the ODI captaincy.
2. aydee: Finally makes the cut after years in the wilderness. Has been given two games to perform as an opener before being dropped for another 5 years. Also the test captain.
3. foreignfield: Promoted to number 3 as his name suggests he is good at picking foreign fields and can thus play subcontinent spin well on tour.
4. CrimsonAvenger: Still waiting for maehara mangongo to return his camera from last year. A mainstay of the batting order.
5. Jemisi: Mr. forgettable in the middle order. You couldn't pick this guy out of a police lineup of one. Was even banned once but came back as no one noticed his return.
6. SpitfiresKent: The English import. Always looking for England's next great batsman in Zimbabwe.
7. jaybro: Don't really know what this guy does. Whatever it is, I am sure he is good at it. T20 captain.
8. Dr_Situ (ZimFanatic): A spinner who was banned for an illegal action, The good doctor has become a sluggish medium pacer and is thus the main strike bowler.
9. Train Driver: Specialist tailender, who is also the media manager.
10. Googly: Against all of his predictions, the ZCF XI is still functioning. Doubles as the teams business manager.
11. Conant: A favourite of the coaches. Does not bowl, but instead features as a batsman in the most empowered position, no. 11. Co-owns a farm with Googly.
Coach: This year marked the demise of the tyrant maehara mangongo as coach. In his place ZCF has appointed three, yes three coaches. Please welcome hhm, ZCF_Outkast, and bavuma_rabada as the new coaches of the ZCF XI. You will only ever see one of them at a time, but they all seem to be working from the same playbook and are remarkably in-sync with each other. This trio have their own set of stats which they use to select players, with categories such as "how much does [player x] look like Propser Utseya?", "is [player x] going to perform better than Prosper Utseya?", and finally, "is [player x] Prosper Utseya?"
Physio: A former player, jimmylesaint has moved over to being fulltime physio, which entitles him to a salary of $25 per month and unlimited KFC vouchers, the sort of riches ZCF players can only dream of.
Strategist: anusha_gamage - "Zim should alway first bat at Queens".
Changes from 2014:
brmtaylor.com - Defected to boozers league cricket in England.
ZIMDOGGY - serving a ban for steroid use, no wonder he was the only guy in the team who could hit sixes.
zimfan1 - Quotas do exist, zimfan1 missed the cut.
sloandog - With no batting ability and robbed of his pace and illegal action, sloandog is now living in a public park spending his days drinking beer.
